A Guide to #BiggestLiberalAsshole2012 Contender 90 Days/90 Reasons

As you may know, Obama campaign site, 90 Days/90 Reasons created by pioneer of the conformist iconoclast style, Dave Eggers, now challenges Charles Pierce in what will likely be the last heat of the #BiggestLiberalAsshole2012 contest.

The 90 /90 blog, like everything else that has contended for the asshole prize, speaks soundly and stenchfully for itself. But it’s a slog which I do not wish on anyone I don’t hate. Therefore, my twitter pals @firetomfriedman, @landfillpoet, @cordeliers, @quietamerican55 and myself have provided a handy guide to all the ‘reasons’ given so that you may leisurely graze the  astonishing assholery without killing your soul entirely.

Mike Riggs of Reason has written some good stuff on 90/90 also. Links are just after the guide.

  1. Ben Gibbord – Obama went on TV to support gay marriage [Link]
  2. Roger Ebert – Obamacare is beautiful legislation, designed by Mitt Romney [Link]
  3. George Saunders – Obama doesn’t oppose the 18-year-old Violence Against Women Act [Link]
  4. Adam Werbach – Obama supports fuel-efficient cars [Link]
  5. Andrew Sean Greer – The only part of government that matters is the Supreme Court [Link]
  6. Roxane Gay – Obama let a young boy touch his hair [Link]
  7. Jesse Eisenberg – I’m in a yurt in Mongolia. Travel broadens your perspective. Obama is well-traveled and hence, a good leader. [Link]
  8. Reza Aslan – Romney’s foreign policy would be even worse than Obama’s terrible foreign policy. [Link]
  9. John Pendergast and Sia Sanneh – Obama supports various programs for at risk youth that Romney probably won’t support [Link]
  10. Jim James – I once had my picture taken with Barack Obama and his wife. They hugged me and were nice. [Link]
  11. Thao Nguyen – Under Obamacare, women with health insurance will get women’s healthcare services [Link]
  12. Lemony Snicket – He doesn’t say  stupid things that Republicans say like  ‘I don’t know where Osama bin Laden is.’ [Link]
  13. John Hodgman – Obama is so painfully disappointing I know he can win. The murder of Osama Bin Laden was deeply satisfying in ways I hadn’t anticipated. [Link]
  14. Paul Simon – We’re not in a depression. The Tea Party is crazy.  Obama might imitate Al Green again. [Link]
  15. Emily Raboteau – Obama understands student debt because he had a big one. He’s helped to increase Federal grant funding [Link]
  16. Russell Simmons – Obama  started a program where people  talk about crime [Link]
  17.  Patton Oswalt – Romney hoards wealth and avoids taxes and while there is nothing wrong with that he has no sympathy  for people who don’t hoard wealth and avoid taxes. [Link]
  18. Rick Moody – Mitt Romney’s position on gay marriage is exactly the same as Obama’s in 2008 [Link]
  19. Mac McCaughan – In the 2008 election, Obama carried the Red State of North Carolina, where I live [Link]
  20. David Cross – The US is a grossly unequal, authoritarian shithole and Obama,  who is a liar, hasn’t improved that. Romney would be worse. [Link]
  21. Molly Shannon – My father loved me unconditionally. Obama’s support of the LGBT community is similar [Link]
  22. Majora Carter – Republicans don’t want you to vote [Link]
  23. Michael Stipe & Tom Gilroy – Obama supports democracy. Romney supports aristocracy. [Link]
  24. Khaled Hossini – Obama let other nations act as proxies for American Imperialism in toppling the regime in Libya. [Link]
  25. Colin Meloy – Obama appointed an autistic person to a key post. His Justice Department enforces existing anti-discrimination legislation. Obamacare has lots of benefits for People With Disabilities [Link]
  26.  Jamaica Kincaid –  The US military makes people free yet reproductive freedom is contested. Menstruation defines me. God and the rest of the world forgave the German people. God can forgive a woman who has an abortion. Obama supports reproductive freedom. [Link]
  27. Jonathan Franzen – I didn’t expect Obama to be good on the environment so I’m not disappointed that he wasn’t. He hasn’t really made things worse. Romney will. [Link]
  28. Nate Mendel – The Supreme Court has decided that corporations are people. Romney likes this kind of  ‘person’. Obama thinks it’s a bit of an asshole [Link]
  29. Judd Apatow – Obama did not veto the Lily Ledbetter equal pay bill, nominated two women for the Supreme Court and created the White House Council on Women and Girls [Link]
  30. Sherman Alexie – As a native American, I can’t think of one good thing Obama has done for my community, nor can my friends. But it’s not all about me. There is no liberal messiah. Romney is very right-wing. [Link]
  31. Ishmael Reed – Romney’s supporters are anti-science and anti-intellectual [Link]
  32. Edwidge Danticat – Obama finally stopped deporting the children of immigrants and supports the Dream Act [Link]
  33. Craig Newmark – I worked hard and paid my taxes and I think Barack Obama did too [Link]
  34. Elizabeth Gilbert – My worldly husband observed that Barack Obama didn’t get all  ‘frothy, dismayed, and screechy about how Sarah Palin = The End of the World’ the way my friends and I did [Link]
  35. Dana Spiota – Obama didn’t veto the Congressional repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell [Link]
  36. Marilynne Robinson –  Romney will try to remove regulations on air and water quality and cut off funding for the National Labor Relations Board . Obama probably won’t [Link]
  37. Michael Ian Black – Romney hoards money in tax havens [Link]
  38. Gerald Richards – A black president is encouraging to black children [Link]
  39. Miguel Arteta – Obama stopped deporting children and supports the DREAM Act [Link]
  40. Emily Barton – I love the Social Contract and I know Obama does too. Thomas Hobbes would vote for Obama [Link]
  41. Julia Alvarez – The president talks pretty [Link]
  42. Jedediah Purdy –  Under Obama, the EPA opposed one big mining operation, meaning Obama has “done something” about mountaintop removal. Romney might not. [Link]
  43. Mitt Romney- I don’t care about the 47% of people who will support Obama [Link]
  44. Isabel Allende – Obamacare prohibits insurers from requiring copays for contraception and various preventative measures [Link]
  45. Bill McKibben – Romney will approve the proposed Keystone pipeline, whereas Obama hasn’t said what he will do. Which means he might do the right thing. Or not. [Link]
  46. Whitney Pastorek – Obama didn’t veto a bill affording protection from predatory credit card practices. [Link]
  47. Tom Scharpling – Obamacare is better than nothing. Romney would try to reverse Obamacare, which is shameful because he worked to give the people of Massachusetts health care [Link]
  48. Moby – Romney is disdainful of  people who receive government assistance because he is a product of wealth and privilege [Link]
  49. John Sayles – While Obama has not made us a more democratic society he also “hasn’t gotten us into a war based on a fundamentalist, economic ideology”. I sense that  he is as disappointed in us as we are in him. [Link]
  50. Michelle Tea –  He didn’t prolong the war in Iraq. He brought freedom to Libya without using American troops. Only arrogant people won’t  “cast a vote against a party of proud warmongers…because it doesn’t synch with your immediate ideologies”[Link]
  51. Tim Halbur – He grew up in Honolulu and has lived in lots
 of apartment buildings and therefore understands urban planning. [Link]
  52. David Lynch- Because I know how to make really awkward anagrams and puns out of Romney’s
 name. [Link]
  53. Charles C. Mann – Because my daughter’s been through hell and I’m not even going to pretend I care
 about anyone else’s daughter. [Link]
  54. Dee-1 – President Obama understands poor, voiceless black men like Jay-Z. [Link]
  55. Jack Johnson – I hugged Obama! Twice! And he body surfs, so obviously he gets climate change. [Link]
  56. Elizabeth George – I don’t care that Mitt Romney is really rich, but it irks me that he flaunts it. No one
 ever knew how many cars the Kennedys had. [Link]
  57. Mary Williams – Obama has a plan ensure that our national parks survive catastrophic climate
 change. [Link]
  58. Kal Penn – Obama had student loans AND he gets the new technologies. Can you imagine Romney
 using an IPad? [Link]
  59. Stephen Elliott – The Middle East is crazy and foreign policy is a crapshoot. Romney, like Bush, has
 that obnoxious swagger that everyone hates. Obama, on the other hand, is very humble when he
 presses the button. [Link]
  60. Ben Jaffe – It was incredibly moving when Obama, a black man, was inaugurated the first
 time. Not sure what he’s been up to since then. [Link]
  61. Big Bird  (Teddy Wayne) – Romney cares more for Wall Street than Sesame Street. My gay friends can’t get married. My nest was foreclosed on. [Link]
  62. Reggie Watts – Obama’s not an asshole. He’s handsome. He’s skinny, which I wish I was. Vote for Obama if you want to party and be enlightened. [Link]
  63. Colum McCann – Obama expands the lungs of our ongoing sense of identity. He has failed but failure is vivifying and necessary. I am a dual citizen and I no longer lie about the American part the way I did under Bush. [Link]
  64. Etgar Keret – Obama didn’t publicize the picture of Osama Bin Laden’s corpse. [Link]
  65. Jess Walter – Obama ended involuntary extensions of military duty. Romney didn’t mention Afghanistan in his convention speech. [Link]
  66. Tayari Jones – Obama supports Planned Parenthood and Romney doesn’t.[Link]
  67. Karen Fowler – Obama opposes the Supreme Court Citizens United decision. Romney supports it. [Link]
  68. Ben Marcus – Being hated by the rest of the world is unpleasant and dangerous. Obama understands that advanced weaponry does not permit us to violate human rights. He is sensitive, intelligent, and empathetic. Romney is a liar.[Link]
  69. Ben Stiller – Obama ended Stop-Loss and supports benefits for the military [Link]
  70. Daniel Alarcón – Obama has not closed Guantánamo, has deported hundreds of thousands of immigrants, and has pursued a militaristic policy of drone strikes on sovereign nations. He has all but abandoned climate change.  Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg is 79 and Justice Stephen Breyer is 74. [Link]
  71. Rob Delaney – Obamacare is the beginning of a healthcare solution. Obama’s education plan will help us compete with China. There are three old people on the Supreme Court [Link]
  72. Obama did not veto the Weapons Systems Acquisition Reform Act, a bipartisan bill that brings greater accountability to defense spending [Link]
  73. Justin Ruben – It would be really bad if Republicans retake the Senate [Link]
  74. Mona Simpson – Mental illness + Guns = Killing Spree. Obama ‘s record on gun control is poor but in the second debate he said he would reinstate the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban [Link]
  75. Emma Straub – Obama didn’t veto The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act [Link]
  76. Mike McCready, Jesse Dylan – Life is a pre-existing condition. I have Crohn’s disease. The Affordable Care Act will provide health care for anyone [Link]
  77. Kevin Powers – Obama proposed a veterans jobs bill which he was unable to get passed [Link]
  78. Karen Russell – My brother’s best friend was a sergeant in Afghanistan. He supports Obama because of the Affordable Care Act and because he didn’t veto a funding increase for Veterans Affairs, nor did he veto the Post 9/11 GI Bill [Link]
  79. Jonathan Lethem – Obama supports stem cell research unequivocally. Romney supports  iPS, which requires stem cells, but is not as emphatic in his support [Link]
  80. Margaret Cho – Romney says he would not overturn Obama’s directive that allows hundreds of thousands of children of immigrants to remain in the US. I don’t believe him. [Link]
  81. Paul F. Tompkins – Have you seen The Wire? It’s a fictional show, but the characters were based on real people! That proves that, deep down, Obama really is a good person. [Link]
  82. Sarah Stewart Taylor and Matt Dunne – Both Obama and Romney say they support national service programs like Americorp, but believe that only Obama is telling the truth. [Link]
  83. Michael Franti – It’s all about pragmatism: I have 13 issues that are very important to me and, on 3 of them, Obama kinda agrees with me. [Link]
  84. Shepard Fairey: My “Hope” poster. My “Hope” poster. Reelecting the most powerful man on the planet is the best way to give the middle finger to the powerful. Also, my “Hope” poster. [Link]
  85. Al Franken – Have you ever heard the story about the gutsy president who took out the evil terrorist? [Link]
  86. Win Butler: Our allies are very sensitive and could turn on us if Romney is president and criticizes the way they host the Olympics. [Link]
  87. Will Butler – Bush scared me with all those color-coded Terror Alerts. As a white Canadian, I feel much safer under Obama. [Link]
  88. Ana Marie Cox – Obama has worked to end the war on drugs. OK, maybe “worked” is an exaggeration, but, “According to GQ correspondent Marc Ambinder, Obama plans to do more in a second term, though what, exactly, is unclear.” [Link]
  89. Joshua Ferris – Being a teacher in Obama’s America is exhausting, thankless work that doesn’t even pay enough to support a family. Vote Obama. [Link]

Recommended Reading:

Dave Eggers’ “90 Days, 90 Reasons” Is the Single Most Dishonest Pro-Obama Website of the Campaign Season – Mike Riggs

Barack Obama for Student Body President – Mike Riggs

Has Obama Really Worked to End the Drug War? – Mike Riggs

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12 Responses to A Guide to #BiggestLiberalAsshole2012 Contender 90 Days/90 Reasons

  1. Doodle says:

    I didn’t even get to number 7 and I had a massive attack of eyerollitis. Dammit.

  2. Angus says:

    My favourite, in terms of pure alternate-reality entertainment value, is definitely #88.

  3. ohtarzie says:

    I’m partial to #26, Jamaica “Menstruation Defines Me” Kincaid, invoking the Holocaust. Pretty funny about the US military spreading freedom also.

  4. BDR says:

    I just want to thank you for not playing any of Colin Meloy’s music.

  5. Walter says:

    I really like Bill McKibben’s. He probably didn’t mean it to sound as phoned in and dead-eyed as it does – it parodies itself rather nicely. Most of the smarter climate activists know Obama doesn’t give a fuck about them but they put on a raggedy half-assed show of support because apparently it helps keep the movement galvanized or something.

    • Walter says:

      I should clarify – they know he only gives a fuck about them until Tuesday, after which he will build the Keystone XL pipeline himself with his bare hands while pissing on polar bear corpses. And McKibben knows that.

    • ohtarzie says:

      Yeah, that one’s pretty hilarious. Why even bother? They’re all so darn lovable in their own way. A political class on it’s way out, gasping for air, but too pleased with themselves to realize how fucked they are.

  6. Pingback: #BiggestLiberalAsshole2012 Heat 7 – Charles Pierce @EsqPolitics (defending) vs. Dave Eggers and Friends | The Rancid Sector

  7. Brian says:

    Can you append #41 to “The president talks pretty but I can’t be bothered to provide an example of this.”

  8. Angus says:

    But now you’re missing reasons 90–105! At this rate there’ll be two hundred more by tomorrow night.

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