UPDATE: Dave Eggers has won Heat 7 of #BiggestLiberalAsshole2012 and thereby won the contest.
So The Most Important Election Ever™ happens tomorrow, and I am ever so grateful in advance for all my swing state readers who will either stay home or vote for ANYONE but The Lesser Evil™. By anyone I really do mean anyone. If you are even a little inclined, by all means do please partake of the most forbidden voting fruit of all. It will be therapeutic. Earnest third party voting is almost as idiotic as earnest duopolism.
If you are still equivocating, perhaps this, the last heat of #BiggestLiberalAsshole2012 will help you decide. Many people have given excellent arguments for rejecting Obama which their detractors are at pains to refute with anything but smears. Too little has been said, however, about the socially and personally enriching effects of simply wiping the Liberal Asshole smile – that cringe-making combo of earnestness, complacency and self-regard – from the collective Liberal Asshole face. As remedy, I offer this heat’s challenger, 90 Days, 90 Reasons, an unofficial Obama campaign site started three months ago by shitty, pretentious writer Dave Eggers.
In his introduction to the project – which is so full of Liberal Asshole tropes it could easily compete in this contest on its own – Eggers claim 90/90 ‘will provide daily reasons—concrete, factual, plain—to re-elect Barack Obama, and will also provide likely outcomes of a Romney presidency.’ Roughly ninety days later, Eggers’ contributors have produced approximately 10 fairly shitty reasons (the usual talking points) and repeated them about 3 to 20 times each in poorly written, poorly edited blog posts.
Eggers, if you don’t know, is something of a pioneer in putting the writer and Writing way out in front of trifles like, say, what is happening in the world around him. It is no surprise, then, that many of his colleagues are as solipsistic and self-indulgent as he is and feel no particular obligation to actually know and by extension, prove, anything. The end result translates loosely as ‘Please Punch Me Into a Coma’ recited 90 times.
By virtue of volume, dishonesty, vapidity, and at times, shockingly infantile stupidity, Eggers project epitomizes the degraded, truly awful state of American culture and political life in ways that nothing else produced by the sphinctoscenti this season has touched. You needn’t take my word for it, but I also don’t recommend spending too much time seeing for yourself. It’s bad for the soul. To help you find just the right balance of research and soul-killing, some friends and I have created this handy reader’s guide. Read at your own risk.
This heat was announced on Twitter some days ago and is already in progress. Voting closes at 11:30 PM tonight, Nov. 5. Vote with hashtag #BiggestLiberalAsshole2012.
1. Charles Pierce (@EsqPolitics) , The Cynic and President Obama
2. Dave Eggers and Colleagues, 90 Days, 90 Reasons
#BiggestLiberalAsshole2012 Introduction and Rules (For newbies)
Barack Obama for Student Body President – Mike Riggs
Has Obama Really Worked to End the Drug War? – Mike Riggs
Follow me on Twitter for updates.